02 May 2011
Dear Diary
Today is a day of change. Today is a day in a year of change. Today is a day of change, in a year of my life.
I call myself the Queen of Extremes. Why is that so you may ask??? Well, at this age I am at (26) turning yet another year older (27), I have come to a point where I am at odds with the way I have lived my life...for the past 26/27 years. I have become extreme in more ways than one. This year I have:
· Ended my 6 year relationship to the Man I once considered the love of my life. I wanted what he couldn’t care less to give me...ATTENTION. When I told him it was over, I second guessed my decision a bit but thanks to my budding friendship with a certain Turkish man J , I cemented the end of the relationship.
· I fell in love...with the Turkish man. Yes, he is white, plus Muslim, gosh. Dating outside of my, well, EVERYTHING!!!, culture, religion (well we all know I was never going to date a JW guy, they are too stuffed) race, country. I just left it all behind. I took a risk that seems to be paying off pretty good J He has become my cornerstone, my anchor. WAIT!!! Before you think anything sinister, I did not cheat on my ex. Our relationship was over for me, a long time ago. There was no intimacy whatsoever and I will make it a point to reveal that we had not kissed ...AT ALL, in 2 years. Yes!! 2 whole years. So meeting my Turk when I did was a blessing and a great pleasure. We have been in communication now for about 3 months and deep feelings have developed, on both sides and they are as far as I’m concerned, genuine. I am happy, and feel inspired. My mum has even seen the change in me. And she credits my Turk for this change. My dad doesn’t know about him yet and I won’t tell him anything unless something big #hint hint# happens. My dad has a thing about people dating/marrying outside their society. It’s his pet peeve. I understand though. He is a product of the apartheid era. He can be forgiven.
· I have finally made a determined decision to lose weight and look after myself. I finally listened to someone. I guess I needed that. I had kind of buffered my family’s pleas for me to shed the dangerous kilos, that all it took was for a fresh, new voice to say: BUHLE YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.!!! That voice belonged to my TurkJ Now hold it!! I know you think: oooo he doesn’t love you for who you are etc etc etc. It’s because he loves me that he told me. But before he told me to lose weight, he told me I was beautiful. He told me to lose weight so I can be happy with myself. So I don’t have to rely on him to be told that I’m something special, so that I could tell myself that I’m something special. When he told me that, I didn’t take it negatively. No!! I took it in my stride and decided to make myself happy and Boy!!! I’ve been happy. So I’ve joined a gym and had my first session today. I can feel my body working. My thigh muscles are on fire and I feel marvellous. It felt right being in that gym today, pumping the iron and exerting myself. I plan to stick it out. I plan to be disciplined. I plan to be fit and healthy. I plan to be gorgeous for when I go visit my love in Turkey.
· I’ve decided to address my pigmentation issues. My battle with the bulge came with an embarrassing issue. SKIN PIGMENTATION. Urgh!!! When you are overweight and of ethnic origin, skin pigmentation (the concentrated darkening of skin) occurs in areas that experience friction on a daily basis. With me, I had pigmentation under my breasts (I’m a 42D bra size and my breasts obey gravity’s rules and not my wishes!!! J ), my armpits due to years of shaving with a razor or using those hair removal creams, the crease where the neck and shoulders meet, elbows, knees and so on.Now the product I’m using or rather started using today is the South Beach Skin Solutions Gel. It’s a lightening gel for sensitive areas, such as the ones I’ve mentioned above. Once I got wind that there was a product out there that can reverse the years of pigmentation I had on my body, I felt I had found my saving grace. I mean, I grew up looking like this, never being comfortable enough to bare my body (not in a nude way, okay I’m lying...In a nude way...Very very nude wayJ) because of the pigmentation, it left me reserved. I resigned myself to the rest of my life being like this. I felt I didn’t have a way out. Plus my mum, bless her, she’d bombard me with tights A.KA. Cycling shorts. I knew they helped relive the discomfort and stuff, but they were totally impractical to wear. But they led to some great humour between me and my motherJ. So when I came across the cream/gel, and even more excitedly found out it was available in South Africa, not only that, the salon that distributed it was just down the road from where I stay..Boy!!! Was I happy? Or was I happy!!! I felt that this was just one of the things that cemented my year of change. So today is day one. I was told to expect results in about 3 weeks; obviously the results are unique to each individual. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this product works because I spend R1100 on it J for that amount of cash it had better work wonders.
So, anyway, it’s on to the next one for me. I have to teach myself discipline so that my year of change goes on without a hitch. I tend to sabotage my own efforts and this year, I don’t plan to. I have a new man, a new love for myself, my being, a new swagger...as Robin Thicke sang: I have a BRAND NEW JONES...
Til we meet again...Oh shit !!! my stomach just growled J
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